Friday, June 22, 2012

Dear Layla,

Hi Layla! It's your big brother Brady!  The smartest, funniest, best looking one in the whole family.  Yep that's me! I thought since you've been here a little while I would write you a little letter. Just some things to remember, to dwell on, so on so forth.  Just some things to consider.  Ok? 

See that?  See that handsome baby? Yep that's me.  I know you don't know this but we once were a family of 3.  And we had a blast. And you think those things you eat off of are brand new? Umm no you got the used boobies at Mommy

See that carseat? Yep that used to be mine.  Let's just remember that a lot of the things that you have, yep, they used to be mine. 

See that shoulder you're spitting up on? Yep that used to be my shoulder of choice to spit up on. 

See this belly button? It's mine. Respect it.

Know why I give you kissies all the time? Cuz our parents eat that stuff up.  "Awwhh what a good big brother, awwwhh Brady you're so sweet, Brady want a cookie?"  Yeah I have this all figured out.

Ok, so you can just kindly exit out that way, take your first left onto Cornhusker Ave and I'm sure a lovely family will pick you up.

Know why our parents buy you cute things and dress you up all cute?  I think it's because they're afraid you're not as good looking as me.  I'm sorry.

And just so you know, watermelon is the best. THE BEST!

Anytime you do anything wrong I WILL tell Mom and you WILL be in trouble.

I see that you're still playing the innocent act.  I know that you're up to something. I have seen those diapers you've made. I don't know what you're eating but you're not fooling anyone with the whole innocent thing.

I will pretend to like holding you in order to get praise, cookies, and Caillou time.  Don't think that I like you.

That whole spitting up thing is just disgusting.  And I will show your future boyfriends these pictures.

Shhh... don't tell anyone but I will always protect you from the bad guys, mean guys, really any guys. 

Really, you're not that bad. In fact, you're just kind of cute.  I like that when you cry that I can get into trouble and that all of the focus isn't on me (so much pressure to be so great).

So let's all together yell Ooohh yeah Layla!

Oh hell no, did she just spit up on me? I do not get paid enough for this crap. Whatever, I tried to be nice. Layla, you stink.



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